Thursday, 17 September 2009

The Grown Up World

As my 21st birthday comes ever closer I start to wonder about the things I've done, should have done or wanted to do. People keep asking me what I am going to do, what would I like, got anything special planned? The only reply I seem to giving is a sigh of anguish. Because really it's just another birthday; why is this one so special? All I want for my birthday this year is a mattress as I have yet to get one for my new house. This is what my life has come to. No fancy gifts but a bog standard mattress. Turning 21 places to much strain on your shoulders and there's a lot of pressure on you to do something fun and exciting. Me and the girlies, all were're doing is having a joint party/housewarming. AND even that's making me feel pained at the thought of our house getting wrecked and loosing our deposit. I'm going to be 21, that's still young, I've got my whole life ahead to worry about things, just live in the now. This is exactly what I try to do but it's hard just going with the flow, letting things happen the way they should. So instead of trying to control things all the time, why not appreciate the small things and let the rest sort its own self out, 'cos really I don't have the time with a full time degree on my hands.
Many say that turning 18 is the beginning of your adult life. You can drink...legally (not that we haven't been doing that for the past 2 or 3 years), your able to drive, you can get married without the consent of your parents, the world is your oyster as they say. Personally, I think that's just a load booha. Unless you've got a job that allows you to move away from home, your still stuck in that place between 'kidadulthood' and 'adulthood'.
I don't regret anything, well almost anything (not that I'm going to expose those things on here), that I've done in my life. I feel every experience and choice made whether good or bad makes you who you are; an individual thats a little damaged and rough around the edges.
It's weird to think that after this year I will be entering into a world I've never quite understood and probably never will. A world that expects me to behave in a certain way that will help and keep the social order in tact. However, I feel very unprepared for such a change. It's true I may have lived away from home for the past two years, payed bills, rent and have had some sort part-time work, but I've still been in an institution that has given me structure, deadlines, a sense of purpose; to get a degree. After graduating (if I do that is) that institution will leave me and I will have to defend for myself. Just like when you leave school having done your GCSE's to begin sixth form and your A levels. But those changes seem like pittance compared to the decisions we're going to have make now.
So, really turning 16, 17, and 18 is nothing compared to turning 21 and officially becoming an adult. To me the only positive of this coming birthday is that now if I want to travel to America, I am legally allowed to drink; the last mile stone if you so wish.