Sunday, 10 October 2010

22, Christ!

A week ago, as some of you may know, I turned 22 (which I celebrated with my dear friends, pictured above), and realised that in the past few months since finishing university, I have achieved very little. Okay, yes I had my internship over the summer, which was brilliant and that enabled me to make some really good contacts that I can, fingers crossed, use later, but when that finished I had nothing else on my plate. It took me two months to get another placement, which is only for two weeks and once again for free. Why is it taking so long to become who I want to be? I know this industry is hard, difficult and extremely competitive, and I'm hoping these small opportunities I'm being given will eventually lead to a big break. Hope being the operative word here.
As I sit here, writing again to you about my trials and tribulations of attempting to throw myself onto the career ladder, and finally start my life, I wonder, 'what on earth am I doing wrong?' If my younger brother, who barley does anything, but simply falls upon a great job that pays him a decent wage that I would love to earn, then there must be something I'm missing, yes?

Well no, surely not. I think I'm an intelligent, smart and capable person (now those who know me I can feel you sniggering at this). Yes, I may not have any common sense (as most of you know) but I'm on the ball most of the time, and am driven in what I want to pursue in life.

But, I can't help thinking that my constant travelling back and forth from Brighton (where I work part-time) to London (where I ideally am looking and hoping to work) is just a waste of my efforts, when I could easily just stroll down the job centre, sign on and spend my time sitting in my room trawling the internet looking for work. No! I don’t want to settle, is what I keep telling myself. Maybe that seems stubborn and immature, but why should I? I've worked hard these past three years to earn a degree that I want to use, and obtain a job that I'm truly, utterly and deeply passionate about.

Now I don't begrudge my brother about his job offer; I'm proud of him and know that it will do him a world of good, but it just digs a little in that small place inside me where I feel cheated somehow.

So, as I finish my cup of tea and watch yet another episode of Sex and The City, I just keep on going, hoping something will turn in my favour.